Marriage means a lot of different things. There is a relationship between two people who are wedded and the relationship to the local government in which the couple resides. Although these two concepts have the same name, they are two very different things. Thus we refer to the relationship between two people as a wedding, or being wedded. We refer to marriage as the government marriage or "State Marriage". We see the State as the third party in the relationship. Civil Unions are also a form of state marriage. We also see the decision to do a state marriage as a separate event that a wedded couple may or may not choose to do.
Although some religions link the wedding and the state marriage as being one thing, we in the Church of Reality do not. We consider those choices to be up to the couple and in our view those couples who have a state marriage and those who do not, have equal standing in our church. Children born in our out of "wedlock" also have equal standing. Our only requirement when it comes to having children is that those who choose to reproduce should take responsibility for the well-being of the children that they created.
What a state marriage means varies with where you live and what governments have authority over you at the time. Generally all governments recognize the existence of marriages in other jurisdictions but, in case of divorce, apply the rules of their jurisdiction. So you might get married in a state with one set of laws but divorced in a state with a different set of laws. If the state changes the laws then you are subject to those changes. You can not undo the marriage on the basis that the laws changed and you don't like the new agreement you have with the government.
In modern society divorce rates are high. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. When this happens the government takes control of your assets and income and you are often forced to spend everything you own hiring lawyers who are actually state sponsored predators who see the relationship as an extension of the welfare system and force the more prosperous member of the couple to pay alimony to the spouse, even though these laws were created in a time when women were considered the property of men and couldn't work and had to stay home to raise children. A gay male couple is subject to these same laws.
Most government laws were written and developed at a time where reproducing heterosexual couples were the norm. The laws contemplate a lifelong bond where children are created and generational issues are addressed. These laws were not written for same-sex relationships or non reproducing heterosexuals who are often trapped in laws not designed for them. Our view is that individual couples should create their own relationship that is customized to their particular set of circumstances rather than the "one size fits all" state marriage that varies with time and location. To that end the Church of Reality rejects the concept of state marriage and we substitute our own. If a couple chooses to have a state marriage that is an agreement between them and the state, not part of the Church of Reality.
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